Why Dogs Are Better Than Men
1. Dogs admit it when they're lost.
2. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
3. Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
4. Dogs are always pleased to see you, listen to all your gripes
and never give useless advice.
5. Dogs are colour blind.
6. Dogs are easy to buy for.
7. Dogs are good with kids.
8. Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they
know the most important thing is that you are together.
9. Dogs are nice to your relatives.
10. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
11. Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
12. Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
13. Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
14. Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
15. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
16. Dogs do not leave laundry on the bedroom floor (although they
do transport it to other rooms in the house.)
17. Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and they
never laugh at the way you throw.)
18. Dogs do not read at the table.
19. Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
20. Dogs don't correct your stories.
21. Dogs don't criticize your friends.
22. Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
23. Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
24. Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
25. Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
26. Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
27. Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
28. Dogs like your size.
29. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
30. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
31. Dogs never hog the remote control, and they never change
channels when you leave the room.
32. Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.
33. Dogs take care of their own needs.
34. Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
35. Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
36. Dogs understand what NO means.
37. Dogs will also sit in the car for ages while you shop. (and
never complain about how long you take or how much you spend).
38. Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
39. Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a
younger owner.
40. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK.
The really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but
there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one who gave
it to you.)
41. You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
42. You can force a dog to take a bath.
43. You can train a dog.
44. You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
Why Dogs and Men Are The Same
1. Both are suspicious of the postman.
2. Both are threatened by their own kind.
3. Both fart shamelessly.
4. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
5. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
6. Both like dominance games.
7. Both like to chew wood.
8. Both mark their territory.
9. Both take up too much space on the bed.
10. Both tend to smell riper with age.
11. Neither does any dishes.
12. Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
13. Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut.
14. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
15. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.