Doc-isms

What doctors say, and what they're really thinking

This should be taken care of right away: I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

Welllllll, what have we here...?: He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

Let me check your medical history: I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

Why don't we make another appointment later in the week: I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time or I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

We have some good news and some bad news: The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

Let's see how it develops: Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

Let me schedule you for some tests: I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

I'd like to have my associate look at you: He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

I'd like to prescribe a new drug: I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call: I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

That's quite a nasty looking wound: I think I'm going to throw up.

This may smart a little: Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?: I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?

This should fix you up: The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

Everything seems to be normal: Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

I'd like to run some more tests: I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?: You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink
who'll split fees with me...

There is a lot of that going around: My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment: I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.