Buberism: Say "thou" to cows. Drink soy milk instead.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates
what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays
you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the
other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to
fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Capitalism: Slaughter the cows and compete with McDonald's.
Pure Capitalism: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend
you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as
collateral.
Anarcho-Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a
bull.
Communism: You have two cows. Give them both to the government.
The Government gives you milk.
Pure Communism: You share two cows with your neighbours. You and
your neighbours bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has
the most "need." Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk,
and the cows die of starvation.
Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both
and shoots you.
Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of
them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as
much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
Conservatism: Freeze milk. Nuke cows.
Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets
the milk.
Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick
someone to tell you who gets the milk.
Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and
drafts you.
Fascism: You have two cows. Give the milk to the government. The
government sells it.
Pure Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires
you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Liberalism: Give milk back to cows - let them escape.
Nazism: The government shoots you and takes your cows.
New Dealism: The government shoots one cow, milks the other and
pours the milk down the sink.
Olympics-ism: You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With
the help of trilling violins and state of the art montage
photography, John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American
cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with (gasp)
divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was
beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched its parents
butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition,
severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a
multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow
is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials,
though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and
serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.
Perestroika: You have two cows. You have to take care of them,
but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as
you can and sell it on the "free" market.
Socialism: You have two cows. Give one to your neighbor.
Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and
puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take
care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
Bureaucratic Socialism: Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken
farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took
from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk
and eggs the regulations say you should need.
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to
take harmonica lessons.