VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's
Square this morning, Microsoft Corporation and the Vatican
announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman
Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of
Microsoft common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the
first time a computer software company has acquired a major world
religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior
vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software
Division, while Microsoft senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and
Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said
Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next
five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of
Microsoft and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion
easier and more fun for a broader range of people."
Through the Microsoft Network, the company's new on-line
service, "we will make the sacraments available on-line for the
first time" and revive the popular pre-Counter-Reformation practice
of selling indulgences, said Gates. "You can get Communion,
confess your sins, receive absolution -- even reduce your time in
Purgatory -- all without leaving your home."
A new software application, Microsoft Church, will include a
macro language which you can program to download heavenly graces
automatically while you are away from your computer.
An estimated 17,000 people attended the announcement in St.
Peter's Square, watching on a 60-foot screen as comedian Don
Novello -- in character as Father Guido Sarducci -- hosted the
event, which was broadcast by satellite to 700 sites worldwide.
Pope John Paul II said little during the announcement. When
Novello chided Gates, "Now I guess you get to wear one of these
pointy hats," the crowd roared, but the pontiff's smile seemed
strained.
The deal grants Microsoft exclusive electronic rights to the
Bible and the Vatican's prized art collection, which includes works
by such masters as Michelangelo and Leonardo Da Vinci. But critics
say Microsoft will face stiff challenges if it attempts to limit
competitors' access to these key intellectual properties.
"The Jewish people invented the look and feel of the holy
scriptures," said Rabbi David Gottschalk of Philadelphia. "You
take the parting of the Red Sea -- we had that thousands of years
before the Catholics came on the scene."
But others argue that the Catholic and Jewish faiths both draw
on a common Abrahamic heritage. "The Catholic Church has just been
more successful in marketing it to a larger audience," notes Notre
Dame theologian Father Kenneth Madigan. Over the last 2,000 years,
the Catholic Church's market share has increased dramatically,
while Judaism, which was the first to offer many of the concepts
now touted by Christianity, lags behind.
Historically, the Church has a reputation as an aggressive
competitor, leading crusades to pressure people to upgrade to
Catholicism, and entering into exclusive licensing arrangements in
various kingdoms whereby all subjects were instilled with
Catholicism, whether or not they planned to use it. Today
Christianity is available from several denominations, but the
Catholic version is still the most widely used. The Church's
mission is to reach "the four corners of the earth," echoing
Microsoft's vision of "a computer on every desktop and in every
home".
Gates described Microsoft's long-term strategy to develop a
scalable religious architecture that will support all religions
through emulation. A single core religion will be offered with a
choice of interfaces according to the religion desired -- "One
religion, a couple of different implementations," said Gates.
The Microsoft move could spark a wave of mergers and
acquisitions, according to Herb Peters, a spokesman for the U.S.
Southern Baptist Conference, as other churches scramble to
strengthen their position in the increasingly competitive religious
market.