What do "enlightened guys" say is an important quality in a
woman? Intelligence.
Well, I have recently realized that we men are deluded.
Forget Mars. Forget Venus. We are from high school and women are
from grad school. Why do I say this? Is it something having to do
with perceived differences in maturity levels? Not in the
slightest. It all has to do with the simple fact that women are
smarter than men.
Think about it guys. How do you make your muscles stronger?
Exercise them. Our brains are the same way. But when it comes to
so many things in life, men's brains are warming the bench while
women's brains are getting a full cardiovascular workout.
Men have ONE shoe size. I'm a 10.5 wide. Simple. Women...
well it depends. They're like astrologers doing a natal chart on
the shoe. Where was it made? Who made it? Was it made in the
winter or spring? What was the geographic elevation of the shoe
factory? Was the leather from a happy or a sad cow? Eventually
they find a pump with Neptune in its 4th house and the
shoe-shopping mission has been completed.
Guys what's your pants size? You'll say 32:30 or 34:32 or
something simple, basically the waist and inseam. But ask a
woman... "I'm a size 10 on the eighth day of every third month when
it's not raining, the tarot cards advise travel, and the designer's
last name starts with an F."
And let's not even get into colors. We men are not unfamiliar
with the fact that there are multiple shades and can probably tell
4-5 different ones in each main color group. But women make us
look like simpletons. They seem to carry portable physics labs
with them and can apparently discern a variation of one hertz in
the spectrum of visible light.
What's the difference between eggshell white, bone white, and
navajo white? Hell if I know, but a woman does.
Men just aren't good with colors. J.C. Penney occasionally
has those ads with the regular guy and the male models, and he
finds out he can dress like them because of Penney's new fashion
line for men that allows us to coordinate an outfit by matching the
tags inside the clothes. You know what this is, don't you? It's
Grrranimals for grown-ups. Tiger coat, tiger shirt, tiger pants,
and you're good to go.
Think of certain words you'd probably never have heard if not
for women. Ecru, Taupe, Mauve. These are not words that come
naturally to the male vocabulary. They are inserted there after
associating with women, sort of like the medical terms you know
from watching "ER." Sure, you can say them and sound cool, but
damned if you know what they actually mean. Take the tibula for
example [actually, there are two bones in the lower leg, the larger
is called the tibia, and the smaller is the fibula: See why I
don't watch ER (MK)]. I think it's in the leg... and I would
assume it's bone white.
And don't get me started on purses. Go ahead, ask any woman
why men don't carry purses. She'll turn into Jack Nicholson. "You
want a purse? You want a purse? You can't handle a purse!" And
you know what? She's right. We can barely handle briefcases.
That's why every article of our clothing has a pocket. But still,
even with just a couple of pockets, like if you're wearing jeans
and a t-shirt, you will at some time or another become an amateur
cop. Just observe yourself the next time you can't find your keys.
As you start looking around the room, you'll do a pat-down search.
Essentially, you're frisking yourself. But a woman just throws
every item she comes across during her day into her purse. My mom
used to have this huge purse when I was a kid. I stared into that
black hole once. There were receipts, business cards, a potted
geranium, a five-year supply of chewing gum, ten ounces of lint (in
case the dryer ran out, I guess)...
I just figured that Mom was God in training. She was
collecting matter until she had enough for another big bang and
then she was going to start her own universe. In fact, the bigger
her purse, the smarter a woman is. That's why most women don't
start carrying the really big purses until they're married, because
they don't want to scare off any easily manipulated men until
they've got us. That's why single women started wearing those
little backpacks. They told us it was fashion, but it's a trick.
They thought they could fool us. They took all those big purses
and turned them into little backpacks. Very clever.
So the next time one of you single, "enlightened" guys says an
important quality in a woman is intelligence, just face it... if
she can dress herself with a modicum of class and color
coordination, and she carries a purse (or she's got a backpack),
she's not only intelligent, she's smarter than you.
And if you should somehow end up getting the impression she's
not intelligent enough... that just means she doesn't like you.