Kitty Kelley Writes Biographies

NEW YORK CITY (UPI) -- Just days after the release of her "Hiss and Tell" biography of Nancy Reagan, Kitty Kelley has released another book, this time an autobiography titled "Remembrance of Things Crass: The Unauthorized Autobiography of Kitty Kelley." Copies obtained by UPI show that the book will be uncompromising.
     In a press conference promoting the book, Kelley indicated that she spent many months intensively investigating her subject. "She is an extremely difficult woman to track down," said Kelley. "More often than not, her phone was busy." Indeed, noted Kelley, an interview with Kelley proved impossible. Instead, Kelley massed data about her subject by conducting intensive face-to-face interviews with people closely associated with Kelley, most of whom refused to allow their names to be revealed.
     Kelley insists that she is not afraid of reprisals from her subject. "In fact," she stated, "I have received threatening phone calls, but I just shrug them off."
     Revelations from "The Unauthorized Autobiography" include:
     * That Kelley's books were all ghostwritten: "In fact, samples of Kelley's own writing suggest that she would need a dictionary just to write a shopping list."
     * That Kelley cheated her publisher (coincidentally, the publisher of this autobiography) out of hundreds of thousands of dollars by inflating budgets and forging advance checks.
     * That Kelley has brutally murdered more than twenty children.
     * That Kelley frequently cross-posts to inappropriate newsgroups during flamewars.
     Kelley was unavailable for comment about these allegations.