During the mid- to late-1990's there was a certain COBOL
programmer named Jack. After years of being treated as a
technological dinosaur, Jack was finally getting some respect.
He'd become a private consultant specializing in Year 2000
conversions. He was working short-term assignments for prestigious
companies worldwide. He was working 70-, 80-, and event 90-hour
work weeks, but it was worth it.
Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work eventually
took its toll on Jack. He had problems sleeping due to Year
2000-related anxiety dreams. It had reached a point where even the
thought of 2000 nearly made him violent. He must have suffered a
breakdown, because all he could think about was how he could avoid
the Year 2000 problem. In a desperate effort, Jack contacted a
cryogenics company and made a deal to have himself frozen until
March 15th, 2000. This was a very expensive process and totally
automated. He was thrilled. The next thing he'd experience would
be waking up in 2000; after the New Year celebrations and computer
debacles; after the leap day. Nothing else to worry about except
getting on with his life.
He was put into his cryogenic receptacle, the technicians set
the revive date, he was given injections to slow his heartbeat to
a bare minimum, and that was that.
The next thing Jack saw was a very modern room filled with
excited people. They were all shouting "It's a miracle" and "He's
alive!" there were cameras (unlike any he'd ever seen) and
equipment that looked like it came out of a science fiction movie.
A spokesperson for the group stepped forward. "Is it over?"
Jack asked. "Is 2000 already here?" The spokesperson explained
that there'd been a problem with the programming of the timer on
Jack's cryogenic receptacle - it hadn't been Year 2000 compliant.
It was actually 8,000 years later. But he told Jack not to get
excited; someone important wanted to speak to him.
Suddenly, a wall-sized projection screen displayed the image
of a man that looked very much like Bill Gates. This man was Prime
Minister of Earth. He told Jack that this was a wonderful time to
be alive. There was world peace and no starvation. There were
colonies on the moon and Mars. Technology had advanced to such a
degree that everyone had virtual reality interfaces that let them
contact anyone else on the planet, or to watch any entertainment,
or to hear any music recorded anywhere.
"That sounds terrific," said Jack. "But why is everybody so
interested in me?"
"Well," said the Prime Minister. "The year 10,000 is just
around the corner, and it says in your files that you know COBOL."