Those who forget history (and the English language)
may be condemned to mangle both. Historian Anders
Henriksson, a five-year veteran of the university
classroom, has faithfully recorded his freshman students'
more striking insights into European history. Possibly
as an act of vengeance, Henriksson has assembled these
fractured fragments into a chronological narrative from
the Middle Ages to the present.
During the Middle Ages, everbody was middle aged. Church and
state were co-operatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks,
lords and surfs. After a revival of infantile commerce, merchants
appeared. They roamed from town to town exposing themselves and
organized big fairies in the countryside. The Crusades were
expaditions by Christians who were seeking to free the holy land
(the "Home Town" of Christ) from the Islams.
In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were perpendicular. A
class of yeowls arose. Finally, Europe caught the Black Death. It
was spread from port to port by inflected rats. The plague also
helped the emergance of English as the national language of
England, France and Italy.
The Middle Ages slimpared to a halt. The renasence bolted in
from the blue. Life reeked with joy. Italy became robust, and
more individuals felt the value of their human being. Italy of
course, was much closer to the rest of the world, thanks to
northern Europe. Man was determined to civilise himself and his
brothers, even if heads had to roll! It became sheik to be
educated. Europe was full of incredable churches with great art
bugling out their doors. Renaissance merchants were beautiful and
almost lifelike.
The Reformation happened when German nobles resented that
tithes were going to the pope, thus enriching Catholic coiffures.
The popes were usually Catholic. An angry Martin Luther nailed 95
theocrats to a church door. Theologically, Luthar was into
reorientation mutation. Anabaptist services tended to be
migratory. Monks went right on seeing themselves as worms. The
last Jesuit priest died in the 19th century.
After the refirmation were wars both foreign and infernal. If
the Spanish could gain the Netherlands they would have a stronghold
throughout northern Europe that would include Italy, Burgangy,
central Europe and India thus serrounding France. The German
Emperor's lower passage was blocked by the French for years and
years.
Louis XIV became King of the Sun. He gave the people food and
artillery. If he didn't like someone, he sent them to the gallows
to row for the rest of their lives. Vauban was the royal minister
of flirtation.
In Russia, the 17th century was known as the time of the
bounding of the serfs. Russian nobles wore clothes to humour Peter
the Great. Peter filled his government with accidental people;
orthodox priests become government antennae.
The enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare wrote a book
called Candy that got him into trouble. Philosophers were unknown
yet, and the fundamental stake was one of religious toleration
slightly confused with defeatism.
France was in a serious state. Taxation was a great drain on
the state budget. The French revolution was accomplished before it
happened. The revolution catapulted into Napolean. Napoleon was
ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained.
History started in 1815. Industrialization was precipitating in
England. Problems were so complexicated that in Paris, out of a
population of 1 million people, 2 million able bodies were on the
loose.
The middle class was tired and needed a rest. The old order
could see the lid holding down new ideas beginning to shake. Among
the goals of the chartists were universal suferage and an anal
parliment. Voting was to be done by ballad.
A new time zone of national unification roared over the
horizon. Founder of the new Italy was Cavour, an intelligent
Sardine from the north. Culture fomented from Europe's tip to its
top. Dramatized were adventures in seduction and abortion. Music
reeked with reality. Wagner was master of music, and when he died
they labeled his seat "historical."
World War I broke out around 1912-1914. At war people get
killed, and then they aren't people any more, but friends. Peace
was proclaimed at Versigh, which was attended by George Loid,
Primal Minister of England. President Wilson arrived with 14
pointers. In 1917, Lenin revolted Russia.
Germany was displaced after WWI. This gave rise to Hitler,
who remilitarized the Rineland over a squirmish between Germany and
France. Moosealini rested his foundations on 8 million bayonets
and invaded Hi Lee Salasy. Germany invaded Poland, France invaded
Belgium, and Russia invaded everybody. War screeched to an end
when a nukuleer explosion was dropped on Heroshima. A whole
generation had been wipe out, and their forlorne families were left
to pick up the peaces.
The last stage is us.