Noted Dough Boy Dies

by James F. Parker

     Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, Martha Stewart, and the Hostess Twinkies.
     The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded."
     Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes and died flat as a pancake. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife, Sara Lee. They had two children, and one in the oven.