Construction Project: Atomic Bomb


The following paper is taken from The Journal of Irreproducible Results, Volume 25, Number 4, 1979. P.O. Box 234, Chicago Heights, Illinois 60411. One year subscription is $3.70.

Introduction

     Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several court decisions in the United States which have restricted popular magazines from printing articles which describe how to make an atomic bomb. The reason usually given by the courts is that national security would be compromised if such information were generally available. But, since it is commonly known that all of the information is publicly available in most major metropolitan libraries, obviously the court's officially stated position is covering up a more important factor; namely, that such atomic devices would prove too difficult for an average citizen to construct. The United States courts cannot afford to insult the vast majorities by insisting that they do not have the intelligence of a cabbage, and thus the "official" press releases claim national security as a blanket restriction.
     The rumors that have unfortunately occurred as a result of widespread misinformation can (and must) be cleared up now, for the construction project this month is the construction of a thermonuclear device, which will hopefully clear up any misconceptions you might have about such a project. We will see how easy it is to make a device of your very own in ten easy steps, to have and hold as you see fit, without annoying interference from the government or the courts.
     The project will cost between $5,000 and $30,000 dollars, depending on how fancy you want the final product to be. Since last week's column, "Let's Make a Time Machine," was received so well in the new step-by-step format, this month's column will follow the same format.

Construction Method

1.    First, obtain about 50 pounds (110 kg) of pure grade Plutonium at your local supplier (see NOTE 1). A nuclear power plant is not recommended, as large quantities of missing Plutonium tends to make plant engineers unhappy. We suggest that you contact your local terrorist organization, or perhaps the Junior Achievement in your neighborhood.

2.    Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined Plutonium, is somewhat dangerous. Wash your hands with soap and water after handling the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play in it, or eat it. Any left over Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You may wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your local junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely.

3.    Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most common varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise this enclosure as, for example, a briefcase, a lunch pail, or a Buick. Do not use tinfoil.

4.    Arrange the Plutonium into two hemisphere shapes, separated by about 4 cm. Use rubber cement to hold the Plutonium dust together.

5.    Note that about 100 pounds (220 kg) of trinitrotoluene (TNT). Gelignite is much better, but messier to work with. Your helpful hardware man will be happy to provide you with this item.

6.    Pack the TNT around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step 4. If you cannot find Gelignite, feel free to use TNT packed in with Play-do or any modeling clay. Colored clay is acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy at this point.

7.    Enclose the structure from step 6 into the enclosure made in step 3. Use a strong glue such as "Crazy Glue" to bind the hemisphere arrangement against the enclosure to prevent accidental detonation which might result from vibration or mishandling.

8.    To detonate the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC) servo mechanism, as used in RC model airplanes and cars. With a modicum of effort, a remote plunger can be made that will strike a detonator cap to effect a small explosion. These detonator caps can be found in the electrical supply section of your local supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-O-Mactic" brand because they are no-deposit no-return.

9.    Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and children. The garage is not recommended because of high humidity and the extreme range of temperatures experienced there. Nuclear devices have been known to spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions. The hall closet or under the kitchen sink will be perfectly suitable.

10.    Now you are the proud owner of a working thermonuclear device! It is a great ice-breaker at parties, and in a pinch, can be used for national defense.

Theory of Operation

     The device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses the Plutonium into a critical mass. The critical mass then produces a nuclear chain reaction similar to the domino chain reaction (discussed in this column, "Domino the March," March, 1968). The chain reaction then promptly produces a big thermonuclear reaction. And there you have it, a 10 megaton explosion!

Next Month's Column

     In next month's column, we'll learn how to clone your neighbor's wife in six easy steps. This project promises to be an exciting weekend full of fun and profit. Common kitchen utensils will be all you need. See you next month!

Notes

     Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive metallic element formed by the decay of Neptunium and is similar in chemical structure to Uranium, Saturium, Jupiternium, and Marisum.

Previous Month's Column

1.    Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May, 1979
2.    Let's Make a Solar System! June, 1979
3.    Let's Make an Economic Recession! July, 1979
4.    Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August, 1979