It doesn't work.
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
I was doing some personal computing, if you know what I mean,
when the machine just stopped working. You know how a car
overheats and lets out steam? Well, I think this was just
like that.
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
Well, I just don't know what to think, but I've asked a lot of
friends who know a lot more about computers and the concensus
is that the carbon dioxide given off by the plant I have on
top of the TV part is bad for the machine.
4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor ___
B. Minor ___
C. Minor ___
D. Trivial _X_
There were no minors involved! What a sick question.
5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up ___
B. Frozen ___
C. Hung ___
D. Strange Smell _X_
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes___ No___
I don't understand the question. Its plugged in to lots of
things.
7. Is it turned on? Yes___ No___
I'm not sure how to do that. Is there a particular chip that
needs to be stroked?
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes___ No_X_
I would never, ever try to fix it.
9. Have you made it worse? Yes___
I'm not the problem, the computer is the problem. Why isn't
there a No response?
10. Have you had "a friend" who "knows all about computers" try to
fix it for you? Yes_X_ No___
Yes, and he's had lots of experience calling for help.
11. Did they make it even worse? Yes_X_
Its hard to believe that things could get worse, but the more
antifreeze we used, the worse it got.
12. Have you read the manual? Yes___ No___
I thought one gave manuals, not read them.
13. Are you sure you've read the manual? Maybe___ No___
What is all this about manuals?
14. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No___
Do you mean the book?
15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it?
Yes___ No___
I tried to read the book, but got bored after the first page
or so. My God! Can't they get better authors? If they
really wanted us to read the damn things, they would write
more like the romance novelists.
16. If 'Yes' then explain why can't you fix the problem yourself:
Listen, buster, if it weren't for people like me, you wouldn't
have a job.
17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem
occurred?
Nothing.
18. If you answered nothing then explain why you were logged in:
Uh, that's kind of personal. Let's leave discussions of
logging out of this.
19. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes_X_ No__
Well, there was some imagination involved, but not about the
computer's problem.
20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00?
Yes_X_ What's a VCR?___
I've always wondered why they put a clock the the VCR when it
doesn't work. I've got the same problem with clock radios and
other electric clocks; Thats why I only buy battery clocks
now. And I don't know how many microwaves I've taken back
before giving up and buying one without a clock. You know, I
bet this wouldn't be so difficult if the computer ran on
batteries.
21. Do you have a copy of PCs for Dummies? Yes_X_ No___
You know, that book was too boring too, but I'm proud to say
that I got through the whole first chapter. Why don't they
make computer books that are easy to understand?
22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem?
Yes_X_ No_X_
Gees, no! Do you think I want people to watch! What kind of
... well, nevermind.
23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work?
Yes__ No_X_
Funny you should ask. I think technology is much overrated.
24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on?
Yes___ No_X_
Nope, this really is the computer's fault.
25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top?
Yes___ No_X_
Actually, I tried beating it on the side. I'll try the top.
26. Is the machine on fire? Yes_X_ Not Yet___
Oh God, that did it! Why did you ask me to hit the machine on
the top when you knew it would start a fire?
27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me? Yes___
Why is there nowhere to check 'No'?
Why aren't there more questions? The machine isn't fixed yet.