McDonnell Douglas Warranty Card

[Note: The following was a page put on the McDonnell Douglas Internet home page by a worker with a sense of humor. The company took exception to it, however.]

Aircraft/Space Systems/Missiles

Important! Important! Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase.

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. __ Mr. __ Mrs. __ Ms. __ Comrade __ Classified __ Lt. __ Gen. __ Miss Other: ______________________

Full Name: _____________________________________________

Password: _______________ Code Name: _______________

Latitude: _____ Longitude: _____ Altitude: _____

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

__ F-14 Tomcat __ F-15 Eagle __ F-16 Falcon __ F-117A Stealth __ Classified

3. Date of purchase: Month: _____ Day: _____ Year: ______

4. Serial Number: ____________________________________________

5. Please check where this product was purchased:

__ Received as gift/aid package

__ Catalog showroom

__ Sleazy arms broker

__ Mail order

__ Discount store

__ Government surplus

__ Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:

__ Heard loud noise, looked up

__ Store display

__ Espionage

__ Recommended by friend/relative/ally

__ Political lobbying by manufacturer

__ Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

__ Style/appearance

__ Kickback/bribe

__ Recommended by salesperson

__ Speed/maneuverability

__ Comfort/convenience

__ McDonnell Douglas reputation

__ Advanced Weapons Systems

__ Price/value

__ Backroom politics

__ Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

__ North America

__ Central/South America

__ Aircraft carrier

__ Europe

__ Middle East

__ Africa

__ Asia/Far East

__ Misc. Third World countries

__ Classified

9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply:

__ Communist/Socialist

__ Terrorist

__ Crazed

__ Neutral

__ Democratic

__ Dictatorship

__ Corrupt

__ Primitive/Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

__ Cash

__ Suitcases of cocaine

__ Oil revenues

__ Deficit spending

__ Personal check

__ Credit card

__ Ransom money

__ Traveler's check

12.

Occupation	You	Your Spouse
Homemaker
Sales/marketing
Revolutionary
Clerical
Mercenary
Tyrant
Middle management
Eccentric billionaire
Defense Minister/general
Retired
Student

13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

Activity/Interest	You	Your Spouse
Golf
Boating/sailing
Sabotage
Running/jogging
Propaganda/disinformation
Destabilization/overthrow
Default on loans
Gardening
Crafts
Black market/smuggling
Collectibles/collections
Watching sports on TV
Wines
Interrogation/torture
Household pets
Crushing rebellions
Espionage/reconnaissance
Fashion clothing
Border disputes
Mutually Assured Destruction

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future--as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write McDonnell Douglas.