Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

Name: ____________________________________________________________

Home Address: ____________________________________________________

City: _______________ State: _______________ Zip: ____________

Date of Birth: __________ Height: __________ Weight: _________

Social Security # ____-___-_____ Drivers License # _______________

IQ: _______ GPA: _______

Boy Scout Rank and Badges: _______________________________________

Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? (Circle One)Yes No
     If NO, please explain:
     ______________________________________________________________

     Number of years they have been married: _____________________

     If less than your age, explain:
     ______________________________________________________________

Do you own a van?Yes No
Do you own a truck with oversized tires?Yes No
Do you own a waterbed?Yes No
Do you own a pickup with a mattress in the back?Yes No
Do you own a condom(s)?Yes No
Do you own any Pornography?Yes No
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?Yes No
Do you have a tattoo?Yes No
(If you answered YES to any of the above questions, discontinue application and leave the premises immediately.)

In 50 words or less, what does late mean to you?

In 50 words or less, what does don't touch my daughter, mean to you?

In 50 words or less, what does abstinence mean to you?

Name of the Church you attend: ____________________________________

How often do you attend: _________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:
Mother? _______________
Father? _______________
Priest? _______________
Parole Officer? _______

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely; all answers
are confidential.

1.    If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:
    ____________________________________________________________

2.    If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
    ____________________________________________________________

3.    A woman's place is in the: ________________________________

4.    The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
    ____________________________________________________________

5.    When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:
    ____________________________________________________________

Note: If answer #5 begins with T or A, discontinue filling out this appliction, leave the premises at once. (Keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

What do you want to do if you grow up? _________________________

What is the current going rate of a hotel room? ________________

Condoms come in packages of (circle one)
     A.     3
     B.     6
     C.     9
     D.    12
     E.    All of the above
    How do you know? ___________________________________________

    I swear that all information supplied above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, native american ant torture, crucifixion, electrocution, chinese water torture, red hot pokers, and hillary clinton kiss torture.

____________________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest.

     Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.
     Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury).
     If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing black shirts and white ties carrying violin cases
(you might want to watch your back).