A New Personal Computer


     The personal computer industry was shocked recently when Penthouse merged with Commodore and entered the PC market. The venture will be introducing the Penthouse Pet, a very personal computer designed to satisfy a variety of users' needs.
     Planning a new line of velvet and satin soft-wear, the company's Times Square R&D facility is working on applications packages for the home entertainment market. One of the niftier applications is a word processing package called Sleazy Writer, which can generate an almost infinite number of Penthouse Forum letters using a vocabulary of only fifty words. Other packages include Accounts painable, Visi-Crotch, a Eunichs Operating System, Electronic Male, and a graphics package featuring over 200 different shades of pink. A user-friendly language called VIRGIN will guide first-timers every step of the way.
     One of the main research thrusts is to develop a warm man-machine interface. According to Penthouse sources, "erotica is simply an extension of ergonomics." The Pet terminal has been designed with a ribbed exterior and comes in a variety of tropical colors. California publisher Blue Boy is offering an AC/DC power supply. A company spokesman also lauded the Pet's portability. "With moisture-resistant packaging, you can take your Pet anywhere... you can go swimming with it, take it to the the Jacuzzi, or even take it with you to bed."
     In addition, the Penthouse Pet will be able to interface with the next generation of interactive videodiscs. Users will be able to pick from a wide variety of fantasies with the aid of a groan-activated selector. Of course, the system comes with a joystick!!
     For the party market, Penthouse has deeveloped a Local Area Network called ORGYNET, which the company claims is a breakthrough in compatibility. With the ORGYNET input-output port, you can stick your plug right in. A cluster controller has also been designed to satisfy the interactive needs of up to four users at a time. Unlike other LAN's that use a single coaxial cable, ORGYNET features a tangle of coax (OEM'd from Cox) and uses TSMA (Tactile Sense Multiple Access) to allow up to 69 users to interact with the system and each other simultaneously. Although Penthouse reports that ORGYNET can sustain prolonged interactive sessions, insiders report that the throughput peaks after about 30 seconds. The Pet will be distributed by Frederick's of Hollywood, local newsstands, and Sears. Penthouse is also strong in service and maintenance; S&M will be handled by a nationwide fleet of vans equipped with a variety of whips, chains, and other tools.