Freebase is the processing addition that allows your system to work
at its fastest. When your system is on FreeBase, you will feel
that it works faster, and with more energy than before. Your
system will seem smarter, more sophisticated, and nearly
invincible, regardless of what other systems may indicate.
Your first installation of FreeBase is absolutely without
cost. You will be given free assistance in installation and setup.
You will find that FreeBase provides an immediate pickup to your
system, for a short period of time. Actually, the initial jolt
that FreeBase provides to your system is nearly unbelievable.
Once your system is using FreeBase, simple monthly payments to
your supplier will insure FreeBase's continued availability. After
a short period of time under FreeBase's influence, you will
probably desire to increase the power and frequency of your
FreeBase usage. This can be done by decreasing the time between
maintenance payments, and/or increasing the maintenance fees paid
to your supplier. Some of our heaviest FreeBase users are paying
on a daily basis or even more frequently, to insure the highest
level of FreeBase saturation.
If you decide you want to use FreeBase more, to enhance your
system continually, or increase the power of your FreeBase returns
(also known as a Rush), you may opt to distribute FreeBase to other
non-users. You will be given large credits for each new FreeBase
user, which can be applied to your FreeBase maintenance concerns.
Your supplier will be glad to assist you in convincing your
colleagues that FreeBase is a valueable addition to their own
systems.
Freebase forces information through your system at an
amazingly quick rate (some systems may actually suffer from burnout
due to the intensity that FreeBase requires). Unfortunately, some
systems with the heaviest FreeBase usage have indicated a loss of
memory, and sometimes their systems halt. We are confident that
these were due to a bad infusion of FreeBase, or utilizing too much
FreeBase, and place all fault with the systems in question.
You MAY notice that your systems need for FreeBase increases
with time. In fact, FreeBase usually becomes such an integral part
of a system, that users will do nearly anything to maintain it.
Freebase usage may indeed become the sole reason for your systems
existence. If at some time you decide to cease the use of
FreeBase, your system may become irratic, unpredictable, and nearly
uncontrollable. Some systems have been known to halt or abend
irrecoverably during the FreeBase withdrawal process.
We are confident that the use of FreeBase will prove to be an
addictive experience.
Contact your neighborhood supplier for your FreeBase solution
(also known as a Fix).
Second Product Announcement: Yes, thats right. In order to add
more functionality to your FreeBase installation, we are please to
announce an integrated electronic mail capability:
This new product will reduce your communications needs
considerably. Its intuitive interactions will often leave you
scratching your head in wonder. From your minimal communications
with this package, it will quickly presume who your friends are
(and even what their habits are), who you should be communicating
with in order to advance your career, and let you know continually
whether you are communicating effectively with the FeMail itself.
You may find that FeMail reduces your unecessary
communications with friends and associates. Your FeMail will
intercept incoming communications from all sources and make a
determination as to whether or not they should be relayed to you.
The FeMail is especially thorough when examining messages from
other FeMail systems. These messages will be examined for intent
as well as content.
Messages that are received from other Mails will be scanned
for intention by your FeMail. Any messages that will reduce your
productivity at home or at the office (invitations to bars or
parties, where the FeMail may lose contact with you for more than
two hours for example) will be delivered to you only after they can
no longer be acted upon. A true productivity increase is then
possible, and your FeMail will even help your decide how to use
this spare time to attend to maintenance issues.
In fact, you may find that the FeMail methods are far beyond
your comprehension. Often times the FeMail responses you receive
will be 180 degrees different than the direction you thought you
were heading. In every case though, you will be compelled to agree
with the decisions that your FeMail makes. Most areas were a
FeMail is installed find that agreeing with the FeMail is easier
than attempting to justify opposing logic.
The FeMail package includes modules for Cognitive
Interpretation, Intuition, Presumptions, Innuendos (even some you
may not realize), Inflection, and Encryption. (The encryption
package is particularly effective, allowing other mails absolutely
no chance of interpreting interchanges between two FeMails).
You will find yourself becoming dependent on the interactions
that a FeMail makes possible. Once the FeMail begins working in
your daily activities, you may find yourself changing certain
actions to avoid conflicting with the FeMail suggestions.
The FeMail is extremely comprehensive, and provides only for
a single user interface in most cases. The instructions included
with your FeMail indicates that it may interact openly with other
Mails in a conversational mode, but that you should never interact
with someone elses FeMail, even in a conversational mode, and most
certainly not in an interactive mode. The FeMail communications
links have demonstrated an ability to intuit these actions even if
you believe your FeMail would be unaware of the interaction.
Continued interaction with FeMails that are not your own will be
considered a security violation, and you may find yourself cut off
from interaction with your own FeMail.
Because of the complexity and high-level of interface
required, there are certain times (based roughly on a lunar month)
when your FeMail system may behave erratically. During this
particular cycle, your interactions with the FeMail should be
monitored closely, and offensive or interpretive language removed.
The FeMail may misinterpret even simple communications efforts
during this short time. This is an unavoidable problem that the
FeMail has endured since its inception, and we are still attempting
to overcome this minor glitch.
Should a misinterpretation occur, your FeMail will store the
data indefinitely, and only recall the misinterpretation when it
can loosely associate it with other facts not necessarily related
to the communications process. You will find these recollections
and associations puzzling, but they all contribute to the operation
of the FeMail system.
Obtain Femail today, and you will be surprised at the changes
it will make in your life!!!